Love and Business

...Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or Bends with the remover to remove.
O, no! It is an ever-fixed mark,
That looks on tempests and is never shaken.
It is the star to every wandering bark,
whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.             
                                               -- William Shakespeare

En route to Bombay (Now Mumbai but having grown up calling her Bombay; some habits die hard)Christmas is here and with that also the Christmas spirit. So what is Christmas spirit about? Is it about fat men wearing red suits and falling down chimneys rewarding acceptable behaviour?

Yes, I did keep stockings at night which was dutifully filled with goodies by my mom. In due course I realised that Santa after all was not a fictitious built up. He actually exists. They may be different people in our lives but they are the ones who fill your heart with all the happiness and life with fun. For me, this year, I have my Santa with me for Christmas and as usual when he is here life is full. This year is extremely special as he has given me the most beautiful gift of knowledge.

Last night while chatting with him, he said something in passing ( or maybe not, knowing him, everything has a reason).We were talking of love and what meaning it has in ones life. People strive to get love, to be in love to fall in love whatever.. All relations have the underlying factor of love. But what is love? The moment we talk about love it is meant to be so divine, so pure and so fullfilling and all consuming. It is also supposed to be unconditional. The moment expectations arise that is the end of all love, and henceforth starts the business of love.

So all our relations are actually a business of love and not really love. Love means to give and give and give. The giving should bring contentment, the smile in the loved ones face should give all the happiness and the happiness that the loved gets should fill the life with an all consuming full filling experience. That should be the power of love- total unconditional love. Such love is divine and pristine and knows no boundaries and no time or space. It knows no religion or relation.  To love is the most highest, exalted and liberating experience. Love in the purest form will bring grace and gratitude.It will teach kindness and sharing. It is about acceptance, I think we should all start with ourselves. We give to our families, our workmates, our communities, but accepting makes us freeze in indecision. Before you can accept a gift of the heart from anyone, you must accept it from yourself. Not that I’m any more successful at it than most but this Christmas Eve I will look in mirror and tell myself thank-you, you matter and I love you.

Merry Christmas! Love you all!

Ho Ho Ho!

Of my brother

 "Are we not like two volumes of one book?"

Long back a tender hand reached out and touched me and the world changed around me. I sometimes wonder if that gentleman had not come into my life, what would I be doing now. He has been my pillar of strength, my critic, my punching bag, my sounding board, my teddy bear and much much more. Today on his birthday, can't help thinking about him and feeling so full with emotions that I feel like going back to the good old days of togetherness and laughter and all the stupid things that were so much fun. We are so vulnerable to gentleness, love and softness of being, that the smallest of gestures indulges us to an extent that envelopes us in an embrace, never ever wanting to leave. We are human and with immense human feel. We were made thus. Created by the nature of divine intervention. And in this creation, we were also so tightly bound to some that no passage of time or space could brittle the bond. Such is the joyful, and ever lasting love between a brother and sister.

Today, on his birthday, I feel immense pride and respect for my dear little brother who has grown up so much over the years. As kids, we used to travel with Dad and usually had each other for company. So we became friends and we grew up that way. I, being the elder one, was always instructed to watch over him and to care for him. Over the years, as we grew older, he took over the charge, and when the transition from the quiet younger brother became the strong, protective 'older' brother I would never know.  In school I would hear my friends who had younger siblings wish for older ones and if they had brothers they wished for sisters and vice versa. Later on, I realised that what they were actually wishing for is for a different relationship in a sibling as they didn't get along with the one they had. They were amazed to hear that I loved what I shared with my brother and we have never had a fight. And that holds true even today and one of the most cherished things about us. We have had disagreements, but always sorted out amicably. We respected the other ones decisions and have always given the space required at the same time being the moral support through thick and thin.

Now, though we are in 2 separate continents, I still feel the closeness I felt with him when I was 3 or 13. We have chosen different career paths, different cities, and yet the heart belongs to one place. When I got married and was leaving home, he hugged me and all he said was I will always be there for you no matter what! I know he meant it and I know it is true.

One of the best thing that ever happened to me was you.Here's wishing you a very happy birthday and lots of love and happiness and peace. Love you with all my heart!

                                    The Tom Cruise of the family

                    

A good read

My brain seems to have been stuck in a freezer for past few weeks. All thoughts seem to have gone numb and nothing worthwhile to be put across. But maybe all in good time. So in the meanwhile I thought of sharing something interesting I read recently. First and foremost, I would like to thank SP for suggesting this book among a whole list of others and recommending that I read this one first. A glimpse of the cover page here:

Its called 'The Drama of the Gifted Child' and is about a child who is always so aware of the needs and desires of parents and has such a strong urge to fulfill their wishes that he loses track of his own identity. Its about a child who never discovers his own true self as he is so concerned about pleasing others around him, and the repercussions he faces later in life as an adult.  Among other issues discussed, 2 things that the author talks about distinctly stands out in the book.First, how the unconcious desires of the parents are bestowed upon the child, and how the child absorbs these wishes, morphing him into a different personality.
Second,is about contempt being used as a defense mechanism to breakthrough one's own feelings of helplessness. Contempt is the weapon of the weak and a defense against one's own despised and unwanted feelings. And the fountainhead of all contempt, all discrimination, is the more or less conscious, uncontrolled, and secret exercise of power over the child by the adult, which is tolerated by society (except in the case of murder or serious bodily harm).
This book deals with the issue of childhood psychology and explains the problems faced by children growing up this way and suggestions to remove himself from the person  he is not and helping him finding his true self.

To summarize, this book is a good read and useful in providing a new way to view our lives, however this book is not an excuse to victimize ourselves or for seeking an explaination for our own misery.

In my opinion,every parent or wannabe parent should definitely read this book. Some situations described in the book is really thought provoking and its surprising how simple things said or done to a child can have a life long impact on an individuals memory,turning him into an altogether different personality.Parents, whether biological or otherwise, tend to think of children as their extension rather than as individuals.What adults do to their child's spirit is entirely their own affair. For the child is regarded as the parents' property.Until we become sensitized to the small child's suffering, this wielding of power by adults will continue to be a normal aspect of the human condition, for no one pays attention to or takes seriously what is regarded as trivial, since the victims are only children. But in twenty years' time these children will be adults who will have to pay it all back to their own children.This tendency needs correction as each person at the end is a separate entity and has a right to live on their own terms and demand the respect he is entitled to. They are not to be cared for keeping in view the lost dreams and hopes of the parents. As I said in an earlier blog, they are your children, if that doesn't make you proud nothing else will.